I want a heart...

I found this on one of my xanga sites (yes, I had more than one) and wanted to post it here. I had entirely forgotten I'd written this piece but it reflects so much of my heart even today. Though I'm four years older than when I wrote this, the desire it reflects remains in my heart still, if tempered a bit by time and maturity. This was first written on 30 March, 2005, early in my year at the Honor Academy.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I want a heart that is so pure and broken and open that I can cry unashamedly in front of others, not caring what they think of me crying in front of them

I want to cry at beautiful things

like butterflies

sweet proposals

time in God's presence



How amazing he is

How beautiful

God, help me to maintain a pure and broken heart and to live a blameless life before you

That I may live a life pleasing to you

That others may see you through my life

Make me invisible so that I may not be seen, but you in me

Take my desires

Make them yours

Help me not to want things that aren't for me

I know your plans are better

So much better than mine

Take control

I am yours.