I would really love it if the temperatures would cool off some (like twenty or thirty degrees), so the giant scary bugs will stop coming into my room!
Love, Beth.
Showing posts with label summer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label summer. Show all posts
Friday, August 5, 2011
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Reflections on a year gone by...
I'm 23 today! Yay! Yikes! Yay!
It has been quite a year, with many changes, both good and bad. I was Initiated into my [women's] fraternity. My sister moved back to Tennessee and then back to North Carolina a few months later. I experienced joys and frustrations, happiness and sorrows, love and extreme dislike, and most everything in between. I never got to go to Texas as a 22-year-old, the first year since I was 18 that has happened. I made some friends and said goodbye to others, found myself (mostly unexpectedly) in leadership roles, was prophesied over and prayed over, watched friends marry or give birth (mostly from a distance), prayed for my someday beloved and learned more about the One who calls me Beloved. So, now that this crazy-hectic-never-to-be-repeated year has ended, where does birthday number 23 find me?
Here, for now. A few weeks ago I applied for a Global Expeditions trip and two Saturdays ago, I was accepted to go-to Azerbaijan. I wasn't sure it would be able to happen, but since that day, the Lord has been working on me, as I've spent more time with Him, awakening within me things that have long lain dormant-wishes, desires, dreams, and hopes, but most of all, and more importantly, Love.
When I was at the Honor Academy, and after I graduated, one of my most frequent prayers was, "Lord, break my heart for the things that break Yours. I want to see people as You see them, not as I see them, I want to feel for them what You feel for them, and I want to love them as You love them." The Lord taught me a great deal about brokenness in that year, and grew within me a deep, abiding love for the nations-all nations-and the people within them.
It's been a long time since I prayed that prayer. I wish that weren't true, but it is, and my heart has been toughened & hardened since I stopped praying it. I'm not even sure how long it's been since I stopped praying that prayer-months, perhaps a year or more. But in recent days, the breaking has begun anew. Little cracks in the wall, the dam that my heart has somehow become, and I know that soon the cracks will become bigger cracks, and bigger ones, and finally break the whole thing down if I allow Him to do it-and I want Him to. The deeper His love within me for people and for the nations, the straighter I'm able to keep my priorities. Otherwise, other stuff creeps in-stuff I'd like to have, and stuff I want-because I forget ever-so-quickly that this life is not about me.
Back in December, after a night of great presence of the Lord in our church, I was prophesied over, and this is what was spoken: "The nations are to become your priority. No longer are relationships to be your main priority, but the nations, and what I am calling you to." That thought has been within me, growing roots and taking hold, because I would be content to remain here in the States for years doing one thing after another, before I'd do what I know I am called to. But souls hang in the balance, and they are too important, too precious, too beloved for me to ignore the calling on my life. Yes, it means I'll have to make sacrifices, and yes, it means I don't get to do all I want, have all I want, gain the recognition I'd like to have for my achievements. Yes, it's going to hurt to give some of those wants up. But people's lives are too important for me to care the most about me.
As I face the growing possibility of a transfer to another school, the possibility of going to nursing school within the year, the possibility of being on the mission field (part-time or full-time) within as few as five years (after gaining nursing experience in the States first), the possibility of paying off my student loan debt (and hopefully not gaining any more), my heart steps slowly out of the timidity to which it is accustomed and begins to step into this new season. It's been a long time since I've had to trust the Lord this fully. But as He's spoken to me several times the last week or so-and will likely speak to me again-"You only see all that you are giving up, but I see all you have to gain."
It's time to stop thinking logically and start thinking faithfully. And I want to do that, in ever greater measure, because it is required for the life God has in store for me-if I obey him and follow His leading. My dad started my birthday off by having us take Communion at midnight-a very auspicious beginning to a new phase of life-the phase where I begin to move into my calling. To close, I want leave you with what my dad emailed me-right after midnight on this, my 23rd birthday-with only a tiny part cut out because I'm not authorized to share it with the world yet. :)
"My Dear Sweet Bethany!
"I want to take this time to wish you a very, very Happy Birthday! Your 22nd year was full of adventure and interesting developments. May your 23rd year be the very best you've ever had. May you find joy, peace, contentment, and lot's of fun as you enjoy life, friends, family, and the world around you. I bless you, in the name of Jesus of Nazareth. May you be blessed in your walk with God, your friends, your family. May you find strength and joy in His presence. May you increase in your knowledge of Him, may the joy of knowing Him increase in you. May you be blessed in all you do.
"We love you,
"Mom & Dad
"(This of course, is from Dad.)"
Blessings,
Bethany
P.S. I'm looking forward to Azerbaijan next summer! ;-)
It has been quite a year, with many changes, both good and bad. I was Initiated into my [women's] fraternity. My sister moved back to Tennessee and then back to North Carolina a few months later. I experienced joys and frustrations, happiness and sorrows, love and extreme dislike, and most everything in between. I never got to go to Texas as a 22-year-old, the first year since I was 18 that has happened. I made some friends and said goodbye to others, found myself (mostly unexpectedly) in leadership roles, was prophesied over and prayed over, watched friends marry or give birth (mostly from a distance), prayed for my someday beloved and learned more about the One who calls me Beloved. So, now that this crazy-hectic-never-to-be-repeated year has ended, where does birthday number 23 find me?
Here, for now. A few weeks ago I applied for a Global Expeditions trip and two Saturdays ago, I was accepted to go-to Azerbaijan. I wasn't sure it would be able to happen, but since that day, the Lord has been working on me, as I've spent more time with Him, awakening within me things that have long lain dormant-wishes, desires, dreams, and hopes, but most of all, and more importantly, Love.
When I was at the Honor Academy, and after I graduated, one of my most frequent prayers was, "Lord, break my heart for the things that break Yours. I want to see people as You see them, not as I see them, I want to feel for them what You feel for them, and I want to love them as You love them." The Lord taught me a great deal about brokenness in that year, and grew within me a deep, abiding love for the nations-all nations-and the people within them.
It's been a long time since I prayed that prayer. I wish that weren't true, but it is, and my heart has been toughened & hardened since I stopped praying it. I'm not even sure how long it's been since I stopped praying that prayer-months, perhaps a year or more. But in recent days, the breaking has begun anew. Little cracks in the wall, the dam that my heart has somehow become, and I know that soon the cracks will become bigger cracks, and bigger ones, and finally break the whole thing down if I allow Him to do it-and I want Him to. The deeper His love within me for people and for the nations, the straighter I'm able to keep my priorities. Otherwise, other stuff creeps in-stuff I'd like to have, and stuff I want-because I forget ever-so-quickly that this life is not about me.
Back in December, after a night of great presence of the Lord in our church, I was prophesied over, and this is what was spoken: "The nations are to become your priority. No longer are relationships to be your main priority, but the nations, and what I am calling you to." That thought has been within me, growing roots and taking hold, because I would be content to remain here in the States for years doing one thing after another, before I'd do what I know I am called to. But souls hang in the balance, and they are too important, too precious, too beloved for me to ignore the calling on my life. Yes, it means I'll have to make sacrifices, and yes, it means I don't get to do all I want, have all I want, gain the recognition I'd like to have for my achievements. Yes, it's going to hurt to give some of those wants up. But people's lives are too important for me to care the most about me.
As I face the growing possibility of a transfer to another school, the possibility of going to nursing school within the year, the possibility of being on the mission field (part-time or full-time) within as few as five years (after gaining nursing experience in the States first), the possibility of paying off my student loan debt (and hopefully not gaining any more), my heart steps slowly out of the timidity to which it is accustomed and begins to step into this new season. It's been a long time since I've had to trust the Lord this fully. But as He's spoken to me several times the last week or so-and will likely speak to me again-"You only see all that you are giving up, but I see all you have to gain."
It's time to stop thinking logically and start thinking faithfully. And I want to do that, in ever greater measure, because it is required for the life God has in store for me-if I obey him and follow His leading. My dad started my birthday off by having us take Communion at midnight-a very auspicious beginning to a new phase of life-the phase where I begin to move into my calling. To close, I want leave you with what my dad emailed me-right after midnight on this, my 23rd birthday-with only a tiny part cut out because I'm not authorized to share it with the world yet. :)
"My Dear Sweet Bethany!
"I want to take this time to wish you a very, very Happy Birthday! Your 22nd year was full of adventure and interesting developments. May your 23rd year be the very best you've ever had. May you find joy, peace, contentment, and lot's of fun as you enjoy life, friends, family, and the world around you. I bless you, in the name of Jesus of Nazareth. May you be blessed in your walk with God, your friends, your family. May you find strength and joy in His presence. May you increase in your knowledge of Him, may the joy of knowing Him increase in you. May you be blessed in all you do.
"We love you,
"Mom & Dad
"(This of course, is from Dad.)"
Blessings,
Bethany
P.S. I'm looking forward to Azerbaijan next summer! ;-)
Thursday, July 17, 2008
fireflies dancing in the dusk
So, it's hot. Summer is here in Carolina in full force and the sweltering heat makes it easy to want to stay indoors and drink cold drinks. It's rained a good bit this summer, more than the last couple summers combined, I think, which is wonderful. We've needed the rain badly. Sometimes the rain comes in dreary clouds that turn the sky gray and it drizzles down, soaking the ground gently. Other times it comes roaring in ferociously, putting on impressive shows of light and sound, falling with such intensity it's as if someone were dumping giant buckets of water over the earth. Either way, the rain is a welcome relief from the bright sun and heat. And of course, it's a delight to watch the fireflies come out to play after the sun has gone to rest.
I've been working a bit (though I could use more) and relaxing, preparing for the coming school year that will start in August. I still have many things to do before then, when I will assume more responsibility and leadership in some of my organizations. I do look forward to seeing my friends and sorority sisters again.
My sister and her husband have moved back from Tennessee and have been trying to get work and living arrangements worked out. We also dog-sat for a friend of my parents who moved from halfway across the country. All I have to say is that dog is cute but stubborn, and I'm glad I'm not responsible for him anymore.
My fishies are doing well, though I've had a few casualties. My betta Josiah, who came with me from Texas last summer, passed last month, as did Kate the snail, who also came from Texas. One-eyed Willie is doing great, and I have a new betta who doesn't have a name yet. He's gorgeous though. I feel kind of nerdy talking about my fish in my blogs, but they are my pets and I love them. They're lots of fun and very interactive. Maybe sometime I'll post a link to the video of my mom's fish who allows us to pet him. He's a character.
For the first time in four years, I am not in Texas. By this time in the summer, every summer since 2004 when I first went to Panama with Global Expeditions, I've been in Texas (or otherwise with Teen Mania). In 2005 I was an intern, working in the SAC (Student Activity Center), serving meals to all of the missionaries and campers who came through there. That was my favorite job of all time at Teen Mania, and I loved it.
In 2006 I returned to volunteer and spent the summer mostly on custodial, but occasionally on K-crew. I cleaned lots of toilets, swept lots of floors, and served lots of food. It was great. I went to as many GE sessions as I could manage, saw Skillet in concert, and heard Tim & Will from Travel the Road speak. That was a fantastic summer. I also went to Mexico for two weeks, which was a very stretching experience-more so than even ESOAL, because it lasted for two weeks. Being sick for two weeks before the trip (and trying desperately to get well), then going full speed ahead into GE mode where we were going continuously from early morning to late night and getting an average of five hours of sleep (which brought the cold back in full force) did NOT make that a fun trip. Regardless, the Lord did a lot, taught me a lot, showed me a lot, and I grew to love a lot of people. And the upside is that I couldn't smell anything when we were at the dump! (I still remember the day I sniffed and realized my sinuses had cleared enough for me to smell the stench as we drove past-I was so excited, and told everybody, "Hey, I can smell again!")
Last summer, I went to The Call in Nashville, staying with my sister who lived near there, and a week later went to my old roomie Lisa's wedding. It was beautiful. Then I drove to Texas, expecting four more weeks of toilet-cleaning, floor-sweeping, and food-serving. I did a grand total of one day of toilet cleaning, then was unexpectedly pressed into service as a volunteer counselor. Now that was an adventure. I was a little surprised, because that was the first leadership position I'd been put into at Teen Mania (excepting my experiences as a missionary advisor with GE), and it was, again, totally unexpected. I loved it. Well, most of it... I had a delightful group of volunteer girls and fun hanging out with my fellow volunteer counselors. I didn't have as much time as I'd hoped to spend with old friends from my intern days, but it was okay. I knew before I came that the Lord was bringing me to Texas for a specific purpose, though I'd had no idea what it was, and I think my "take life as it comes" attitude was helpful in making the necessary adjustments. I also saw the wedding of my first brother core CA Brandon (also a beautiful wedding).
Now we are up to summer 2008. It's hot, it's beautiful, and I've no money to go to Texas. I was pretty heartsore when I realized that would be the case, but sometimes things just don't work out the way we'd wish them to. It would have been wonderful to return to my favorite little corner of the world, see a few old friends, make new ones, and eat as many sno-cones as I could hold, but hey-there's always next summer! By then, most of my friends from Teen Mania will be gone, having moved on to the next stage of their lives, and I won't know much of anyone there, but there will be new friends to make.
I'm not really sure why I'm writing all of this, but it's been a very long time since I sat and put my swirling thoughts into order like this (if this can, indeed, be called order), and it needed doing. I still miss Texas and can't wait to return, but the Lord is ordering my steps, even if they don't always lead where I'd wish them to go.
May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, and may He give you peace.
Bethany
I've been working a bit (though I could use more) and relaxing, preparing for the coming school year that will start in August. I still have many things to do before then, when I will assume more responsibility and leadership in some of my organizations. I do look forward to seeing my friends and sorority sisters again.
My sister and her husband have moved back from Tennessee and have been trying to get work and living arrangements worked out. We also dog-sat for a friend of my parents who moved from halfway across the country. All I have to say is that dog is cute but stubborn, and I'm glad I'm not responsible for him anymore.
My fishies are doing well, though I've had a few casualties. My betta Josiah, who came with me from Texas last summer, passed last month, as did Kate the snail, who also came from Texas. One-eyed Willie is doing great, and I have a new betta who doesn't have a name yet. He's gorgeous though. I feel kind of nerdy talking about my fish in my blogs, but they are my pets and I love them. They're lots of fun and very interactive. Maybe sometime I'll post a link to the video of my mom's fish who allows us to pet him. He's a character.
For the first time in four years, I am not in Texas. By this time in the summer, every summer since 2004 when I first went to Panama with Global Expeditions, I've been in Texas (or otherwise with Teen Mania). In 2005 I was an intern, working in the SAC (Student Activity Center), serving meals to all of the missionaries and campers who came through there. That was my favorite job of all time at Teen Mania, and I loved it.
In 2006 I returned to volunteer and spent the summer mostly on custodial, but occasionally on K-crew. I cleaned lots of toilets, swept lots of floors, and served lots of food. It was great. I went to as many GE sessions as I could manage, saw Skillet in concert, and heard Tim & Will from Travel the Road speak. That was a fantastic summer. I also went to Mexico for two weeks, which was a very stretching experience-more so than even ESOAL, because it lasted for two weeks. Being sick for two weeks before the trip (and trying desperately to get well), then going full speed ahead into GE mode where we were going continuously from early morning to late night and getting an average of five hours of sleep (which brought the cold back in full force) did NOT make that a fun trip. Regardless, the Lord did a lot, taught me a lot, showed me a lot, and I grew to love a lot of people. And the upside is that I couldn't smell anything when we were at the dump! (I still remember the day I sniffed and realized my sinuses had cleared enough for me to smell the stench as we drove past-I was so excited, and told everybody, "Hey, I can smell again!")
Last summer, I went to The Call in Nashville, staying with my sister who lived near there, and a week later went to my old roomie Lisa's wedding. It was beautiful. Then I drove to Texas, expecting four more weeks of toilet-cleaning, floor-sweeping, and food-serving. I did a grand total of one day of toilet cleaning, then was unexpectedly pressed into service as a volunteer counselor. Now that was an adventure. I was a little surprised, because that was the first leadership position I'd been put into at Teen Mania (excepting my experiences as a missionary advisor with GE), and it was, again, totally unexpected. I loved it. Well, most of it... I had a delightful group of volunteer girls and fun hanging out with my fellow volunteer counselors. I didn't have as much time as I'd hoped to spend with old friends from my intern days, but it was okay. I knew before I came that the Lord was bringing me to Texas for a specific purpose, though I'd had no idea what it was, and I think my "take life as it comes" attitude was helpful in making the necessary adjustments. I also saw the wedding of my first brother core CA Brandon (also a beautiful wedding).
Now we are up to summer 2008. It's hot, it's beautiful, and I've no money to go to Texas. I was pretty heartsore when I realized that would be the case, but sometimes things just don't work out the way we'd wish them to. It would have been wonderful to return to my favorite little corner of the world, see a few old friends, make new ones, and eat as many sno-cones as I could hold, but hey-there's always next summer! By then, most of my friends from Teen Mania will be gone, having moved on to the next stage of their lives, and I won't know much of anyone there, but there will be new friends to make.
I'm not really sure why I'm writing all of this, but it's been a very long time since I sat and put my swirling thoughts into order like this (if this can, indeed, be called order), and it needed doing. I still miss Texas and can't wait to return, but the Lord is ordering my steps, even if they don't always lead where I'd wish them to go.
May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, and may He give you peace.
Bethany
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