I miss blogging

I want to start blogging again. I know I've said that before, but it's true. I really, really miss the days when my friends & I would blog about our lives, and comment on one another's lives. It really felt like we had our own little community of friendship, and it helped me to feel closer to those I hold dear who live so very far away.

I have been thinking of adopting this blogger name [consecratedworship] for a very long time-probably from the time I first signed up for blogger under missionarygrrl. I still love that name, but I'm not really a girl anymore, and the name consecratedworship, which I first coined when an intern at the Honor Academy, really is much more indicative of the way I desire to live my life. Of course, I started missionarygrrl after a couple of years on Xanga [which I still keep up with], so this is probably about the twelfth blog I've started. Let's hope I don't have to keep starting them!

Last night I did not go to sleep. I wasn't really sleepy, then around 3:30 AM I had a sudden burst of inspiration to clean my room. These bursts come rarely, so I acted on it and now I have discovered there is actually carpet under the piles of books, papers, clothes, and various random assorted junk that previously covered the entire floor and part of my bed. Now it only covers most of the floor, and very little of my bed.

I want to get back into my artwork. I miss drawing, painting, sewing, making jewelry, piecing together mosaics out of scraps of colored paper, and all the other million things I have tried my hand at in the past. Sometimes I feel like if I don't do something creative, I'll just burst! And that would be bad. And messy. So to keep from bursting and making a huge mess, I shall simply have to delve back into creativity. Writing is one outlet for creativity, yes, but it is certainly not the only one, and not my favorite either. My favorite activity is whatever one makes the biggest mess. Writing does not make that much of a mess, unfortunately. Unless the keyboard exploded, in which case it probably would make a mess. But I digress. My sleep deprivation is peeking through here.

I am going to Panama in less than a month. In the last three weeks and one day, starting the day my dear friend Sarah passed away, the Lord has brought in about $1500 for my trip-I need only $600 more dollars, plus money to get to Texas and back, and some for spending money. It has been incredible and awesome to see how the Lord has brought in nearly all that I need in the midst of such a crazy, difficult time-made much better, of course, by the birth of my nephew, Ike, last Sunday. Though if you do not like his name, I shall tell you he otherwise was to be named Nebuchadnezzar Mephibosheth Bartholomew. So if you don't like it, tough. :)

Ok I am done and I need sleeeeeeepppppp!!!!

PS Less than one month till Tejas & Panamaaaaa!!!!!!

ETA: I just imported all the posts from my missionarygrrl page, all the way back to 2006!

PPS I also am very excited to have discovered how the feed reader works... ;)

a penny for my thoughts? [recap]

This was originally posted on 5 December, 2006. It was the end of my first semester of college, nearing the first anniversary of my graduation from the Honor Academy, and less than two weeks till I travelled to Slidell, Louisiana to stay with this one and see this one and this one get married. :) Having had a rather rough year this school year, I have been looking back through my old journals and blogs, and finding...hope. Though much has changed in the intervening time, I find hope for the present, hope for the future, and hope in the knowledge that whatever happens, my Father has my best interests at heart. Much of what is written in this post still reflects what I feel and believe and yes, even hope for, now, nearly two-and-a-half years later.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So this is long (not that that's unusual...) but...it's some of what I've been contemplating for the last couple of months, especially now that I'm almost a year out of HA...a lot has been going on inside. Read it and be blessed.



some days I want to run away and be a gypsy

never settled in one place, but traveling

place to place to place

meeting people and seeing things few others have seen

just loving people and Jesus



some days I never want to leave

to stay in comfortability and safety

never stepping out on my own because the world

can be just so scary



some days I want to get married tomorrow

and have a whole passel of children

other days I never want to get married

or ever have children

but I know it's in God's hands, because I put it there myself



some days I wonder if things will ever change

if they'll ever be different

I wonder where my life is going

what is going to happen in ten years, twenty or thirty

other days I just don't care at all, because I know

whatever happens, my life belongs to the Lord



sometimes I think about ESOAL

about that weekend that broke me so hard

I remember the pain, the exhaustion

the lies to fight through

I remember

when I was called out to sing "the HA hymn"

just an hour or two before I rang out

"take my life, and let it be,

consecrated Lord, to thee."

I was told later

it sounded like an angel singing,

sweet and beautiful

that blessed my heart,

that this girl remembered that, ten months later, how it stood out to her

I remember the things the Lord taught me that weekend

about controlling my emotions, rather than them controlling me

and how this life

is not about me



I remember quiet times on the picnic table

under that beautiful old oak tree

or sitting by the fountain

the worship that we had

how wonderful it was to worship with people

who loved God as much as I do

how wonderful it was to converse with them

every time you ate in the caf

you could sit with someone you barely knew

and have the most amazing conversation of your life,

so edifying and encouraging

I miss that



I remember the friends who left

for various reasons

how it hurt to see them go, how I cried

and I remember the friends that stayed

and fought through with me

the people that spoke into my life

the way people just loved one another

and respected one another

the way brothers honored their sisters

and sisters respected their brothers

and the beautiful relationships that some of them are in now

so many weddings coming up, or recently had

so many beautiful people

brought together by God

those romances which are written by God

are by far the most beautiful

they are pure and holy and good

a reflection of the relationship God wants with us

that's what I want

that's what I'm waiting for

and I refuse to settle for anything less than extraordinary

in any area of my life

because it belongs to God



He taught me about consecration

it's one of the abiding themes of my life

consecration: to declare or set apart as holy

my favorite psalm is psalm 15

I think it speaks of the kind of life

a Jesus-lover should have

He taught me about love

what it means to love people regardless of their actions

how to see people the way he sees them

He's still teaching me about these



sometimes He gives me a revelation

of His holiness

it's indescribable, but know this, friends:

the Lord is holy

angels cover their faces and dance around his throne

and all they say is

"holy, holy, holy is the Lord,

who was, and is, and is to come"

I don't think the church today really realizes

just how holy He is, or

what this holiness is

or even who He is

God, the Uncreated One

I know what He's shown me is barely scratching the surface

and it blows my mind

every single time

He is holy

and if we are to be like Him,

we, too, must be holy

the Bible has a lot to say about holiness

look it up, there's so much to learn!

my desire to live a holy life, pleasing to God

is behind a lot of the lifestyle decisions I've made

I want every single aspect of my life

to reflect Him and bring glory to His name



every once in a while,

the desire to see nations reached

gets stirred up inside of me

and I get excited to see where He will lead me

next summer and in the future

I anticipate the visiting of many, many nations

from India, Nepal, Bhutan, and China

to Botswana, Zambia, Rwanda and Egypt

to Honduras, Belize, Chili and Peru

to Germany, Russia, Slovakia, and Lithuania

anywhere the Lord may lead me

I am willing to go

because my life is not my own

it belongs to Him



so much is going on inside

so many thoughts racing around unbridled

so many hopes and wishes and dreams and desires

all getting stirred up inside

like when you drop ice cream in a glass of root beer and stir it up

it gets all frothy and foamy and sometimes spills over

whatever is going on, it's good

so good, so beautiful

I'm excited



some days I wish God would show me exactly what my life will look like,

but then I realize that it's the journey to get there that's the good part

and besides,

if I knew everything that was going to happen,

there would be no reason to trust the Lord

trust

that's another thing He taught me last year

another thing still to learn

trust, and obedience, and waiting on the Lord

and it's learning that trust, and obedience, and waiting

that makes this relationship with Him sooo good

I fully believe God has my best interests at heart

and that He knows exactly what He's doing

in every relationship with every person I know

and in every aspect of my life

and I trust Him with that

because He sure as heck knows more than I do!

I like not knowing what will happen

because it lets me anticipate what God is going to do

and it raises my expectations

the Lord is good to my soul

and I love him so much



My dear friend Bridget marries her Aaron a week from Saturday

I'll be there to see it

and I'm excited about it

their romance is beautiful, and holy, and good

and it makes me excited for my own someday-romance

they have allowed God to write their love story

and boy, is it good!

I have rarely seen a couple so well-matched

it is truly a "match made in heaven"

I fully believe the Lord made them each

with the other in mind



the Lord is teaching me new things

and doing exciting things in my life

this little heart of mine is full to overflowing

with the love and grace and blessings

of a beloved Savior

He blesses my heart

and He wants to bless your heart too, friends

so let Him

He will grant you peace

and love you so completely

the Lord is faithful

even when I am not

for that, I am grateful

what if He was only as faithful to us

as we are to Him?

I don't know about you, but to me that's a scary thought

I'm so glad He's not



Seek the Lord today, friends. There is so much He wants to show us and share with us. We only have to let Him.

fireflies dancing in the dusk

So, it's hot. Summer is here in Carolina in full force and the sweltering heat makes it easy to want to stay indoors and drink cold drinks. It's rained a good bit this summer, more than the last couple summers combined, I think, which is wonderful. We've needed the rain badly. Sometimes the rain comes in dreary clouds that turn the sky gray and it drizzles down, soaking the ground gently. Other times it comes roaring in ferociously, putting on impressive shows of light and sound, falling with such intensity it's as if someone were dumping giant buckets of water over the earth. Either way, the rain is a welcome relief from the bright sun and heat. And of course, it's a delight to watch the fireflies come out to play after the sun has gone to rest.

I've been working a bit (though I could use more) and relaxing, preparing for the coming school year that will start in August. I still have many things to do before then, when I will assume more responsibility and leadership in some of my organizations. I do look forward to seeing my friends and sorority sisters again.

My sister and her husband have moved back from Tennessee and have been trying to get work and living arrangements worked out. We also dog-sat for a friend of my parents who moved from halfway across the country. All I have to say is that dog is cute but stubborn, and I'm glad I'm not responsible for him anymore.

My fishies are doing well, though I've had a few casualties. My betta Josiah, who came with me from Texas last summer, passed last month, as did Kate the snail, who also came from Texas. One-eyed Willie is doing great, and I have a new betta who doesn't have a name yet. He's gorgeous though. I feel kind of nerdy talking about my fish in my blogs, but they are my pets and I love them. They're lots of fun and very interactive. Maybe sometime I'll post a link to the video of my mom's fish who allows us to pet him. He's a character.

For the first time in four years, I am not in Texas. By this time in the summer, every summer since 2004 when I first went to Panama with Global Expeditions, I've been in Texas (or otherwise with Teen Mania). In 2005 I was an intern, working in the SAC (Student Activity Center), serving meals to all of the missionaries and campers who came through there. That was my favorite job of all time at Teen Mania, and I loved it.

In 2006 I returned to volunteer and spent the summer mostly on custodial, but occasionally on K-crew. I cleaned lots of toilets, swept lots of floors, and served lots of food. It was great. I went to as many GE sessions as I could manage, saw Skillet in concert, and heard Tim & Will from Travel the Road speak. That was a fantastic summer. I also went to Mexico for two weeks, which was a very stretching experience-more so than even ESOAL, because it lasted for two weeks. Being sick for two weeks before the trip (and trying desperately to get well), then going full speed ahead into GE mode where we were going continuously from early morning to late night and getting an average of five hours of sleep (which brought the cold back in full force) did NOT make that a fun trip. Regardless, the Lord did a lot, taught me a lot, showed me a lot, and I grew to love a lot of people. And the upside is that I couldn't smell anything when we were at the dump! (I still remember the day I sniffed and realized my sinuses had cleared enough for me to smell the stench as we drove past-I was so excited, and told everybody, "Hey, I can smell again!")

Last summer, I went to The Call in Nashville, staying with my sister who lived near there, and a week later went to my old roomie Lisa's wedding. It was beautiful. Then I drove to Texas, expecting four more weeks of toilet-cleaning, floor-sweeping, and food-serving. I did a grand total of one day of toilet cleaning, then was unexpectedly pressed into service as a volunteer counselor. Now that was an adventure. I was a little surprised, because that was the first leadership position I'd been put into at Teen Mania (excepting my experiences as a missionary advisor with GE), and it was, again, totally unexpected. I loved it. Well, most of it... I had a delightful group of volunteer girls and fun hanging out with my fellow volunteer counselors. I didn't have as much time as I'd hoped to spend with old friends from my intern days, but it was okay. I knew before I came that the Lord was bringing me to Texas for a specific purpose, though I'd had no idea what it was, and I think my "take life as it comes" attitude was helpful in making the necessary adjustments. I also saw the wedding of my first brother core CA Brandon (also a beautiful wedding).

Now we are up to summer 2008. It's hot, it's beautiful, and I've no money to go to Texas. I was pretty heartsore when I realized that would be the case, but sometimes things just don't work out the way we'd wish them to. It would have been wonderful to return to my favorite little corner of the world, see a few old friends, make new ones, and eat as many sno-cones as I could hold, but hey-there's always next summer! By then, most of my friends from Teen Mania will be gone, having moved on to the next stage of their lives, and I won't know much of anyone there, but there will be new friends to make.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing all of this, but it's been a very long time since I sat and put my swirling thoughts into order like this (if this can, indeed, be called order), and it needed doing. I still miss Texas and can't wait to return, but the Lord is ordering my steps, even if they don't always lead where I'd wish them to go.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, and may He give you peace.

Bethany

101 things...

I’ve seen this done before, but have never done it myself. So I decided I would inform you, my four faithful readers, of a few things you may not know about me. One hundred and one things, to be exact.

1. My sixteen-year-old sister and I are NOT twins, believe it or not :-)
2. My favorite colors are purple, pink, and yellow, in that order, though I pretty much love color no matter what shade it is. But purple is and always has been my favorite color, since diaperhood.
3. I am an artist.
4. I am creative.
5. I like to work with my hands.
6. I’ve never figured out how to do computer-graphics-stuff.
7. However, I make some really sweet paintings and jewelry. :-)
8. I like fish. Not only are they tasty to eat, they also make fun pets (but please don’t eat your pets!). I have…several…
9. I sleep on a pallet on the floor and not in a real bed. Why? It makes me feel like I’m overseas, doing what I’m supposed to be doing…and not “stuck” here in the U.S. That, and I’ve nowhere to put a “real” bed.
10. I am astoundingly talented at disorganization and junk-collecting. By that I mean that every time I clean my room, it takes only 48 hours to undo the cleaning. I’ve never figured that one out. And I have enough junk to supply a small country. I’m trying to get rid of a lot of it…which will take a while.
11. I love France. I love speaking French (what I can remember from my high school days) and I love eating French things, like baguettes and brie. I especially love the AMAZING city of Paris. :-)
12. I love Asia. By that, I mean it is almost an obsession. I might even try to live there someday, even if only for a couple of months. South Asia, central Asia, southeast Asia—I love all of it. I was heartbroken when I couldn’t go to Sri Lanka a few years ago, thanks to a serious lack of funds. And I’ve been planning to go to India for a decade.
13. I like to collect things from foreign countries. I like it the most when I’m the one doing the collecting, but having other people bring me back things is perfectly acceptable. If you’re travelling, you should bring me something! :-D
14. I like to read. I have books stacked two deep on my bookshelf in my room, and a number of others boxed away in storage.
15. I don’t date. Thanks to Ron Luce’s challenge at ATF my junior year of high school (to spend a year “dating” God rather than another person), I came to see relationships as an accessory rather than a necessity, and on my trip to Panama the summer after senior year, I made the decision not to randomly date around but to wait for the man I would marry. Five years down, ____ many more to go!
16. My younger sister is married. Yes, it was a little weird at first. No, I do not know when I’m getting married, and no, there is not a “special someone” in my life. I’ll get married when I’m forty. So stop asking. :-P
17. My youngest sister (she hates to be called the baby) is not married. If she were, I’d kill the guy (she’s only sixteen!). Well, maybe not kill him, but…
18. I once had a great, wonderful, amazing little car named Baby. She was a 1989 BMW 325 and I adored her. And then she died, leaving me heartbroken and stranded. Now I drive my sister’s old car Simon. He eats more gas than Baby did, which my wallet does not appreciate.
19. I have magic eyes. They change color depending on the lighting, my mood, what color I’m wearing, etc. The official color of my amazing, magic eyes is “gray-blue-green-hazel-with-a-gold-ring-in-the-middle.” I really do have a golden ring around my pupils. I tell people I’m rich. :-D
20. I hate pickles. I think they look nasty, smell nasty and taste nasty. If you ever eat with me at Chik-fil-a and I get a chicken sandwich, you are welcome to my pickles. Do not ever put pickles in my food. I will not appreciate it.
21. I like to cook. Actually, I love to cook and I hate to clean up afterward. I’ll cook for you if you’ll clean up the [[rather large]] mess I make. I can make ramen, Kraft mac & cheese, pb&j…
22. Actually, I can cook more than pre-packaged foods. My creativity and artistry are not limited to traditional crafty things. I like to invent things in the kitchen (scary, I know), and 95% of the time, they come out right tasty! Yum! Usually my concoctions involve every spice in the cabinet, plus a few that aren’t…just kidding! But I use a lot of garlic and Italian seasonings so I hope you like Italian!
23. I like chicken. I subscribe to the Chik-fil-a cow’s philosophy—eat more chicken!
24. I love seafood. Yum! Shrimp, crawfish, calamari (YUM), clams, various types of fish—I like it all! Well, except those nasty stuffed crab things…yuck! I also love sushi.
25. I like eggs. They are an excellent source of protein (one of the most complete sources of protein, in fact) and can be cooked a number of different ways. Mmm I am getting hungry describing all this food!
26. I can bake some cakes and cookies from scratch. And they’re good.
27. I’m hungry right now, hence the fixation on food. :-)
28. I love to drive out on the open highway. Why do you think I’ve driven to Texas the last two summers—by myself? Though it would be great fun to have someone to drive with…
29. I once scored evenly on all five love languages on a love-languages test. My response? “I guess I just love to be loved!”
30. I am a silly, goofy girl, and I love me for it. You should as well.
31. I am a pacifist. Deny it and I’ll beat you up.
32. My room is a perpetual experiment on the state of messiness.
33. I, unfortunately, got skipped when the organizational genes were being handed out. I like to call myself “organizationally challenged.”
34. However, if you really want to freak me out, you are welcome to come straighten up my stuff. I won’t be able to find a thing, I promise. And that is a bad thing. Of course, there’s no way I have ever experienced this…
35. I hated math all the way through school and then actually liked the calculus class I took at my community college after I graduated. Weird. Although, I did enjoy math back when it involved using m&m’s as counters.
36. I am a sorority girl. I am a sister of Phi Mu [[Women’s]] Fraternity. And I love it.
37. I do not drink alcoholic beverages.
38. Tobacco smoke stinks.
39. I have never had a boyfriend. It wasn’t entirely by choice, but it just kind of happened that way.
40. I love to sing. By that I mean that I sing a lot. Practically every time I’m in the car, I’m singing. I also burst out into made-up-on-the-spot songs at random opportune moments.
41. My three best characteristics are that I am amazing, beautiful, and humble. I’d have to say, though, that “humble” is probably the word that describes me best.
42. You’re probably snorting with laughter after that last comment. That’s okay. I do it too. Hence the nickname “Snorty.”
43. I have freckles. All it takes for me to get more is for sunlight to touch my skin. Just kidding…well, not really…
44. I also burn easily. Thank you, fair skin. I like spf 60 or so in my sunblock.
45. My life mission statement can be summed up into three words: love//revolution//consecration. You’ll have to ask if you want more details. ;-)
46. Despite the massive amounts of junk I own (thank you materialism), I have a minor obsession with small cottages, simple living, and small cars.
47. Actually, I just have an obsession with small things. I love miniatures—any kind of miniatures. Minature goats, miniature sheep, miniature horses, miniature chickens, miniature llamas…
48. Did I mention I want my own mini-farm someday? Populated with miniatures of all kinds (including, hopefully, some “miniature humans”).
49. I want to adopt from overseas—hopefully more than one child. I don’t want to have more of my own children than I have adopted children, because I don’t feel justified bringing children into this world when there are millions already here who have no home, no parents, and no one to tell them about Jesus.
50. I love kids. I especially love babies. My favorite job ever was when I nannied for a five-month-old baby boy named River. That’s probably also why I want to work in the NICU, caring for newborn infants.
51. In the Myers-Briggs personality tests, I am an ISFP. That stands for “Incredibly Smart and Funny Person,” which, of course, describes me to a T.
52. I am a very, very laid-back person. Can you guess which of the four temperaments (sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic, melancholy) I am?
53. My name, Bethany, means any number of things. My favorite definitions that I’ve found are “grateful spirit,” “house of God,” and “disciple of the Lord.”
54. My middle name, Erin, means “peace.”
55. I adore Audrey Hepburn. I absolutely love her grace, her style, and her movies. My sister thinks I look like her, which I find very flattering.
56. I don’t intend to kiss until I reach the altar. If a man wants to kiss me, he’s got to buy me a set of really pretty rings and make a covenant with me first. If I’ve waited this long for that first kiss, I doubt a few more years is really gonna kill me.
57. Believe it or not, I do not have my future children’s names picked out. Though I do have fifty or so that I like. :-P
58. I love turtles, especially sea turtles. I did a project on them my first semester of college, and made this amazing turtle mosaic entirely out of recycled papers. “Way to support the environment, Bethany!”
59. I love animals. If I had my way, my house would be a zoo. Well, maybe not, but I’d sure like a lot of pets!
60. I love to travel. By “love,” I mean that if I could do nothing else for the rest of my life, I would die a happy woman. And by happy I mean so ecstatic that words can’t describe it.
61. If I have gotten to know you well, I can become…uninhibited…around you. If you’ve experienced this, I’m sorry…well, sort of. :-)
62. I write. I’ve been told I write exceptionally well. Actually, one of my (non-English) professors remarked that the English department at my school thinks I “walk on water” or something because apparently the English department at school loves me?
63. I write a lot of poetry. Not your traditional rhyming poetry, but lyrical poetry that resounds in my soul. I’ve never displayed much of my poetry online, but occasionally it appears.
64. I collect wedding magazines. I have a lot. I’m following the old Girl Scout motto, “Be prepared.” :-D
65. I plan to write a book someday. Have planned, actually, since I was 11 or 12 years old. When it’s published, you must be sure to buy a copy so it will become a best-seller.
66. I like to take pictures (artist, remember?). Someday I will buy a nice camera so I can take sweet pictures whenever and wherever and not be constrained by the limitations of a little “point-and-shoot” camera. I especially like close-ups (remember the fascination with tiny things?).
67. I sew. Rather badly, in fact, but I enjoy the satisfaction that comes from wearing something that I made myself. No matter that it takes me a good 11 months from start to finish on any given project.
68. I love maps. Especially the old-world style of map. I like to look at them and dream of the day when I’ll visit all those places I see.
69. I want to learn other languages. I once heard of a pastor (in Korea, I believe) who made an effort to learn about 4-5 other languages. His reasoning? “The more languages I can speak, the more languages in which I’m able to preach the Gospel.”
70. I have a love-hate relationship with my hair. It is thick and blond and has a lot of curl to it. And it is as stubborn as its owner. Only on rare occasions can I get it to do what I’d like it to. I’m too lazy to fight with it all the time, so I just throw it into a clip or a ponytail and go. That’s also why I used to chop my hair off, because it’s such a pain to deal with 98% of the time. It also gets very heavy when it gets long. Speaking of which, it’s time for a haircut. Now where did I put those scissors?
71. I’m a low-maintenance lady. I rarely wear make up and rarely mess with my hair. I brush it enough to get the tangles out and that’s it. And makeup is pretty much only worn on special occasions. Again, I am very, very laid-back.
72. I’ve been told by people that I’m about the most laid-back, peaceful person they’ve ever met.
73. I love vintage. If I could afford it, I’d always be buying vintage clothes off eBay and wearing them.
74. I have a mild obsession with red shoes and purses. I wear my red heels more than all my other ones put together. Considering how rarely I wear heels, that says a lot.
75. I love going barefoot.
76. If I can’t go barefoot, I love to wear my Rainbow sandals. Those were a great investment.
77. I can drive a stick-shift. My poor old Baby was a stick-shift. I miss her.
78. I am absolutely fascinated with other cultures. The food, the dress, the customs, and the people all fascinate me. I love learning about new cultures, especially when I’m getting to see them firsthand. :-)
79. I survived 40 hours and 45 minutes in Rita-ESOAL. Yeah, I’m awesome. :-) (The previous longest ESOAL was 42 hours). (ESOAL stands for Emotionally Stretching Opportunity of A Lifetime. And it was).
80. ESOAL was also one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. At the same time, it was my favorite LTE (life-transforming event) out of the whole year at Honor Academy.
81. Teen Mania’s Summer Volunteers are awesome. (I have done it 2 years in a row). Yeah, that means I’m awesome too.
82. For the most part, I hated being a GE caller. It was definitely stretching for me to have to make all those phone calls everyday, because I hardly even use the phone at all. I did have some amazing conversations, though, and once I was even prophesied over. That was cool.
83. I am a healer and a bringer of life.
84. I love people. I really, really love people. I love to know them and befriend them and love them.
85. I’m not much one for initiating conversation, but I love to talk. Let me, and I’ll talk your ear off. Both of them, actually. Bring band-aids.
86. I am a warm and friendly person. But I have to “warm up” to you first. I have to get comfortable enough around you to really start to open up.
87. I am very reserved. Until I get comfortable around you. Then all bets are off. :-)
88. I am the only one of my sisters (I have two) who does not have brown hair or brown eyes. I am the odd one out. I’m also the oldest. I guess that makes me special.
89. I do everything slowly. Actually, I prefer to think of it as “deliberately,” but everyone else calls it slow. I say life’s too short to speed through it.
90. I collect passport stamps. It is unfortunate that I do this as I do everything else (slowly).
91. I am quirky. Get to know me and you’ll see.
92. I have an offbeat sense of humor. Sometimes I make obscure references to books or movies and I am the only one who gets them. Oops.
93. I am also a little bit gullible. Things tend to go “over my head” a lot. Don’t you dare take advantage of that.
94. I have a list of countries I want to visit. I think there may be three in the world that are not on the list. When I figure out what they are, I shall add them. :-)
95. I also have a list of things to do before I die. It gets longer as time passes by. I guess that’s a good thing? Wait, does that mean time is moving backwards?
96. I think I am different from anyone I’ve ever met.
97. I am trying to learn to hear the Lord’s voice and discern His will. Sometimes it is hard.
98. I have my doubts about the wisdom of “falling in love.” It sounds rather like when I get distracted, fail to see the obstacle in front of me, and successfully face-plant in front of a group of people on whom I’d hoped to make a good impression. In other words, not a good thing.
99. I do, however, believe in the concept of making a conscious decision to love (which we should do everyday to one another). I think it’s entirely possible, with careful consideration, prayer and seeking, to “choose” whom it is you’ll marry. Granted, I’m a little inexperienced in this department, so I certainly don’t know everything.

100. On those rare occasions when I make a mistake, I own up to it.

101. I am a daughter of the most high God and he calls me Beloved.

a poem//a prayer

And there will come a day
When nations will dance before you.
In adoration, they'll bow
They desire only to see your face
And they have come to this place
Because of the obedience
Of children like me
To You, our King.

O God, take my life
I've messed it up royally
O God, take my gaze
I've lost my focus
O God, break my heart
For it's become hardened to You
O God, unstop my ears
For I have refused to listen to You,
My Lover, my Prince, my King.

I'm so sorry.
You've only my best interests
And those of the world
In the depths of Your beautiful, magnificent heart
And I've shied away,
Afraid it wasn't really You I was hearing
Afraid of mishearing
And making a mistake I can't undo
And I guess it all boils down to
I'm just afraid of trusting You.

I'm sorry.
I love You.
Take my life [[again]] and make it
Whatever You will.



[[teach me to know Your voice]]

because I never do these

9 lasts:
Last dollar spent: Well, I went grocery shopping the other day…it was more than a dollar though...
Last cigarette: Ewww.
Last beverage: Water…drinking it right now actually.
Last movie: hmm King Kong & Lara Croft: Tomb Raider were on the other night.
Last phone call: Daddy.
Last bubble bath: Hmm when I was 5?
Last time you cried: Don’t remember…it’s been a while.
Last thing you ate: Macaroni & cheese…yay for processed foods [[not]].
Last real kiss: It’s been a while…somewhere in the vicinity of 22 ½ years to be exact.

8 have you evers.
Have you ever dated a best friend: Have I ever dated, you mean? No.
Have you ever skinny dipped: I am not an exhibitionist, thank you.
Have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: See #9 under “9 lasts”
Have you ever lost someone you loved: My aunt Melissa died of cancer a few years ago.
Have you ever been dumped: into a swimming pool? Yes, and I hated it.
Have you ever been drunk and threw up: Never had alcohol. Never saw a reason to try it.
Have you ever ran away: From little kids in Mexico & Panama, yes. It’s called “Perro, perro, gato.”
Have you ever wanted someone u thought u couldnt have then found out they liked you: See number 1 under this section.

5 states you've been to. North Carolina (duh), Tennessee, TEXAS!!!, Louisiana, Florida, Alabama…I’ve got the whole southeast U.S. pretty well covered, actually.

6 things you've done today: Overslept, checked email, cleaned up, ate, drank, woke my sister up.

5 of your favorite things in no order: Purple&pink, Asia, God, people, Phi Mu

4 people you can tell [almost] anything to: Snowball, Krysti, Tina, Mom&Dad

3 things that make you smile. Children’s laughter, funny animals, great conversations

2 things you want to do before you die. Save the world. Serve Jesus.

1 one thing you can't live with out: God.

It's been a while...

I stopped posting on here, first because I got busy, then because I had no desire for a Gmail account...but I missed the blog eventually so I broke down and got a Gmail account. Yeesh.

Too much to report on since my last post on here...so I'll just start fresh.

I should be doing anatomy lab diagrams right now. Instead I'm playing with this site, trying to figure it out.

I have too many aquariums, according to my mother. I have found fishkeeping to be a fun and enjoyable hobby.

I'm a crafty girl. I've got probably four giant Rubber-maid tubs worth of cloth, beads, thread, wire, buttons, paint, brushes, rubber cement, magazine pictures, stickers, scrapbooking materials and more just waiting to be used. Yep, I'm a crafty girl. Too bad my time management needs improving...

I'm still humble. (If you know me, you'll find this entertaining. If you don't, sorry, you probably won't get it).

I cleaned my room. Like, really, really, that's-carpet-I-see clean (and if you've seen my room, you realize what an accomplishment this is). Then I promptly cluttered it up. Right now I see a basket of clean laundry waiting patiently to be folded, a box of craft things to be put away, shoes on the other side of the basket waiting to go in my shoe rack, a messy desk and dresser, and dirty laundry waiting for me to get around to it. Did I mention my time-management skills need improving?

I have a monstrous mystery snail in the tank on my bookshelf. Seriously, s/he's about the size of a golf ball. A purple golf ball that eats algae.

My walls have finally been decorated with lots of my artwork, pictures, postcards, etc. (as opposed to them decorating my floor...).

I love blue poster putty. It rocks.

I love purple, pink, and yellow, in that order.

I've realized the pointlessness of this post and have decided to draw it to a conclusion. Until next time-