home, and where it is

I'm sitting alone in upstairs Mission Control, aka the GE building on Teen Mania's campus, checking my email and Facebook and thinking...
I've stashed my lunch leftovers in the fridge upstairs in the admin,
I'm sleeping in the TL longhouse,
I ate lunch in a park, with friends old and new; the same park, in fact, where the Tyler 10k starts and ends...
I wonder what the future holds,
I'm wishing, wishing, wishing I didn't have to leave,
I've been asked when I'm going home,
I answer, "I am home...but I'm heading back to North Carolina soon..."
I wish I never had to leave Texas,
It holds a huge piece of my heart and every time...
It's harder to leave...
If home is where the heart is, my home is most definitely in Texas.
I still remember the first time I ever rolled onto Teen Mania's campus, in the bus from the airport to MA camp for my first Panama trip...we drove past the dorms and I had the strangest sensation that I had just come home...
It feels, every time I leave, as though I've just left a dear friend behind, and I've no idea when I'll see that friend again...
I'm so tired of goodbyes.

I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know what I'll do upon graduating. I don't know where I'll go. I don't know where I'll be a year from now. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing or anything. Sometimes it's hard to know that I don't know, and to be okay with that. But maybe, just maybe, I can hope...

I hope that next time I come out here, I don't have to leave.

Bethany